For a long time, I thought becoming a confident public speaker meant getting rid of my nerves. I assumed that one day I would stand up to speak and feel completely calm. No racing heart. No butterflies in my stomach. Just confidence.
Over time, I did become much more comfortable speaking in public and now I rarely feel nervous when I’m doing something familiar. But when I do something new, particularly something that pushes me outside what I’m used to, the nerves can still show up.
I’ve come to realise that this doesn’t mean I’m not confident. And that’s actually changed how I think about nerves.
What Do Your Nerves Actually Mean?
Nerves are your body’s response to stress. When your brain perceives a threat, it activates a stress response that prepares your body to deal with it. But feeling nervous doesn’t automatically mean you’re not confident or that you’re not ready to speak.
Nerves can show up for different reasons. You might be speaking to a much larger audience than usual, presenting to senior people, talking about something personal or doing something you’ve never done before.
The important thing is not to attach too much meaning to the feeling itself. Feeling nervous doesn’t tell you that you’re going to perform badly and it doesn’t tell you that you’re not a good speaker.
Nerves are Common
Nerves are a common experience when public speaking and the data shows just how widespread it is (almost half of British adults say they are afraid of public speaking).
But despite this, it’s easy to assume that other people feel more comfortable speaking than we do, particularly when they appear calm and confident on the outside. But what we see isn’t necessarily what someone is experiencing internally.
I’ve looked at the data in more detail in my blog Why Are We So Afraid Of Public Speaking? What The Data Tells Us About Our Fear including what the research tells us about the differences between men and women.
Nerves Can Be Useful
Although nerves can feel uncomfortable, they can also be useful.
They can make you more alert and focused on what you’re about to do. They can encourage you to prepare and think carefully about what you want to say. And sometimes they are simply a sign that something matters to you.
Think about an important presentation, interview or speech. A few nerves might encourage you to prepare properly, think about what you want to achieve and consider how you want to come across.
So yes, nerves can be uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean they have no value.
You Don’t Need to Get Rid of Nerves Completely
If we expect confident speakers to eventually stop feeling nervous, we set ourselves an unrealistic standard. Nerves may still show up from time to time and that doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress.
The aim isn’t to eliminate every nervous feeling, it’s to become more comfortable with the fact that they are often part of speaking.
When Nerves Show Up, You Can Still Do It
Recently, I was asked to deliver a session to more than 200 people about my personal experience climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I felt nervous. Speaking about my personal journey made me feel vulnerable and this was a different kind of speaking for me. But I reminded myself:
“Yes, I’m feeling some nerves because this is important to me and speaking about my personal journey makes me feel vulnerable. But I have done challenging things before and I will be fine.”
And I was. The nerves went after the first few minutes and I really enjoyed sharing my story!
Change How You Think About Nerves
You don’t need to enjoy feeling nervous and you don’t need to pretend the feeling isn’t there. But you also don’t need to see nerves as something that have to disappear before you can become a confident speaker. Sometimes nerves are simply part of doing something that matters.
If public speaking is holding you back at work, I can help you build the skills and confidence to speak more comfortably in the situations that matter to you.
Book a free discovery call to find out more about working with me.
“Even though I have nerves, they remind me that I’m alive and passionate about what I do.”
Maya Angelou
