What happens when you’re speaking in meetings, contributing to discussions and delivering presentations (doing the things that should build confidence) and yet public speaking still doesn’t feel like it’s getting any easier?
If you’ve been pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and the nerves are still there, this can feel really frustrating. So, what’s the missing piece?
Taking Action Is Important
There is a lot of focus on taking action when it comes to public speaking anxiety and for good reason. Learning communication skills and techniques to better manage your nerves can help, but you won’t get better simply by learning the theory. You need to find opportunities to put what you’ve learned into practice.
I always tell my clients that you need to get out there and do it. Avoidance keeps the fear in place, so speaking up and gaining experience plays a big role in moving forward.
But there is something else to consider.
Why Are Your Nerves Still There?
Taking action alone doesn’t always lead to increased confidence. That’s because sometimes you can gain experience whilst still reinforcing the belief that public speaking is something that you should be worried about.
Think about what happens before you speak. If you’re worrying beforehand, you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You might catch yourself thinking:
- “I’m not a good speaker”
- “Everyone’s judging me”
- “I can’t mess this up”
When you start from that place, it’s easy to doubt yourself. You might also assume that feeling nervous means you’re not good at something. But nerves are common. They can show up when we’re doing something that feels important, something high stakes or something we don’t do very often.
Feeling nervous doesn’t say anything about your capability. You can be competent, intelligent and experienced and still feel nervous.
Then there’s what happens afterwards
We are naturally wired to focus more on what went wrong than what went right. This is known as negativity bias. So even if a presentation went reasonably well, your mind is more likely to replay the one moment that felt uncomfortable rather than the parts where you communicated clearly.
Over time, this can create a pattern
You take action → you worry beforehand → you tell yourself you’re not cut out for this → you focus on the negatives afterwards → your confidence does not increase.
From your perspective, it can feel like nothing is improving, even though you are doing the work.
Three Ways to Help Build Confidence
Understanding this pattern is one thing. Changing how you approach your experiences is another.
Here are three things that might help.
1. You Already Have Communication Strengths
You’re not starting from zero. You communicate every day whether that’s in one-to-one conversations or team meetings. It’s easy to forget that you already have communication strengths when you’re focused on the parts of public speaking you find difficult.
Maybe you’re a thoughtful communicator or a good listener. Maybe you know how to read a room or how to use humour. These strengths all count.
2. Don’t Expect to Have Zero Nerves
It’s easy to think that becoming a confident speaker means eventually feeling calm and having no nerves at all. But if that’s the standard you’re measuring yourself against, you may be overlooking your progress.
Nerves may still show up from time to time. That doesn’t mean you haven’t improved and it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
The aim isn’t to eliminate every nervous feeling. It’s to become more comfortable with the fact that nerves are often part of speaking.
3. Focus on Progress
There is also a risk of judging every speaking experience as though it’s a test you need to pass. In reality, there is no such thing as a perfect presentation. Instead of expecting yourself to deliver something without any mistakes, try to see each opportunity to speak as part of a bigger process. Whatever happens you’ve gained insight, courage and experience.
Take some time to reflect on what happened. I used a success journal, making a note of things like contributing in a meeting, sharing an idea or just getting through a presentation, even if it didn’t feel perfect. For you, it might be a quick reflection after a meeting, mentally acknowledging a small win or talking it through with someone you trust. The aim is to create space to recognise your progress, rather than moving straight on to the next thing or only focusing on what could have been better.
A Few Questions to Reflect On
The next time you’re preparing to speak this check-in can be useful:
- Am I being kind to myself?
- Am I letting myself grow?
- Am I reminding myself that this isn’t about getting it perfect?
Mindset Could Be The Missing Piece
If you’ve been showing up, putting yourself out there and gaining experience but public speaking still feels difficult then mindset could be the missing piece. It’s not about convincing yourself that you’re confident or pretending that you don’t feel nervous. It’s about changing the way you approach and interpret your experiences. When you begin to recognise your strengths, accept that some nerves are OK and take a more balanced view of your experiences, your perception of yourself can start to shift. You are not someone who “cannot do public speaking”. You are someone who is developing a skill through experience.
If You’re Ready to Take This Further
If this resonates, this is exactly the kind of work I explore in my 1:1 coaching and group workshops. I guide you through practical ways to:
- understand and work with nerves.
- build confidence in a realistic and sustainable way.
- take action without reinforcing self-doubt.
- develop a more balanced and supportive mindset around speaking.
You can explore the different ways to work with me here.
