You’re speaking in meetings, contributing to discussions and delivering presentations – doing the things that should build confidence.
And yet, public speaking still doesn’t feel any easier.
Does this sound familiar?
If you answered yes, you’ll know how frustrating this can be. You’re taking action, gaining experience and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. So why does it still feel difficult?
There are a few reasons this might be the case. Because it’s not always just about effort – it’s also about how you are approaching and interpreting these experiences.
Taking Action Alone Doesn’t Always Build Confidence
There is a lot of focus on taking action when it comes to public speaking anxiety, and for good reason. I always tell my clients that you won’t get better at public speaking unless you get out there and do it. Avoidance keeps the fear in place, so speaking up and gaining experience plays a big role in moving forward.
The difficulty is that action alone does not always lead to increased confidence. If each experience starts with worry and doubt, and is followed by focusing on what didn’t go well, you are gaining experience – but reinforcing the same pattern. And then over time, this can make it feel like nothing is changing, even though you are putting yourself out there.
Why Your Public Speaking Anxiety Might Not Be Improving
One of the key reasons public speaking may not feel like it is getting easier is linked to how our brains process experiences. We are naturally wired to focus more on what went wrong than what went right. This is known as negativity bias.
So even if a meeting went reasonably well, your mind is more likely to replay the one moment that felt uncomfortable, rather than the parts where you communicated clearly or contributed effectively.
We can also fall into the trap of believing that if we feel nervous, it means we are not good at something. But nerves are normal. They show up when we are doing something new, something important, something high stakes, or something we don’t do often.
Feeling nervous doesn’t say anything about your capability. You can be competent, intelligent and experienced – and still have nerves.
Over time, this can create a pattern:
You take action → you worry beforehand → you tell yourself you’re not cut out for this → you focus on the negatives afterwards → your confidence does not increase.
From your perspective, it feels like nothing is improving, even though you are doing the work.
Why Public Speaking Still Feels Difficult Even When You Practice
If public speaking doesn’t feel like it is getting easier, mindset is always part of the picture. Because it’s not just about what you’re doing, but how you interpret the experience – before, during and afterwards.
If every experience is followed by self-criticism, your brain doesn’t register it as progress. Instead, it reinforces the idea that this is something difficult or uncomfortable. And when your brain thinks there is something to be fearful of, it triggers the fear response and the physical signs of nerves.
Rethinking What Success Looks Like
Part of the challenge is how we define success.
It’s easy to think success means feeling calm, speaking confidently, or delivering something without any mistakes. In reality, progress often looks much less polished.
Success might be:
- Speaking up even when you feel nervous
- Noticing your nerves settle after a few minutes
- Contributing to a discussion
- Sharing an idea in a meeting where you don’t normally speak
- Showing up and doing it, even if it felt uncomfortable
When these moments are overlooked, it can feel like nothing is changing. When they are recognised, they start to build a more balanced view of your progress.
You Already Have Communication Strengths
It is also worth recognising that you are not starting from zero. You communicate every day whether that’s in one-to-one conversations, team meetings and even in the way you express ideas. Public speaking builds on those existing skills.
When you begin to acknowledge both your strengths and your progress, your perception of yourself can start to shift. You are not someone who “cannot do public speaking,” but someone who is developing a skill through experience.
Public speaking is a skill and one that can be developed like any other.
How to Build Confidence
When my public speaking anxiety didn’t feel like it was improving, what helped was something quite simple. I started keeping a note of the moments where I had spoken up or taken action, even if they felt small at the time.
For me, that was a weekly success journal. I would write down things like contributing in a meeting, sharing an idea, or getting through a presentation (even if it didn’t feel perfect). That worked well for me. But the most important part was taking the time to recognise what went well.
That might be a quick reflection after a meeting, mentally acknowledging a small win, or talking it through with someone you trust. The aim is to create space to recognise your progress, rather than moving straight on to the next thing or only focusing only on what could have been better.
A Different Way to Look at It
If you have been showing up consistently and it still feels difficult, it may be worth taking a closer look at your mindset. Your expectations may be working against you, or your progress might be there but not being recognised.
When you begin to notice what is already working, and allow for nerves to be part of the experience, you create a more balanced and realistic view of yourself as a speaker.
That shift is often where things start to feel different.
If You Want to Take This Further
If this resonates, this is exactly the kind of work I explore in more depth in my online course Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking.
Inside the course, I guide you through practical ways to:
- understand and work with nerves
- build confidence in a realistic and sustainable way
- take action without reinforcing self-doubt
- develop a more balanced and supportive mindset around speaking
If you’re looking for something more tailored, I also work with women on a one-to-one basis, focusing on your specific challenges and the situations you’re navigating.
You can explore the different ways to work with me here.
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