You’re speaking in meetings, contributing to discussions, and delivering presentations – doing the things that are meant to help build confidence. And yet, it doesn’t feel like public speaking is getting any easier.
If this sounds familar, then you’ll know how frustrating it can be. You’re doing what you’ve been told will help – taking action, gaining experience, and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. So why does it still feel difficult?
It is often less about effort, and more about what happens afterwards – how those experiences are interpreted and reinforced.
Taking Action Alone Doesn’t Always Build Confidence
There is a lot of focus on taking action when it comes to public speaking anxiety and for good reason. Avoidance can keep the fear in place, so speaking up and gaining experience plays a big role in moving forward.
At the same time, many people are already doing this. They are contributing in meetings, sharing ideas, and regularly placing themselves in situations that feel uncomfortable.
The difficulty is that action on its own does not always lead to increased confidence.
If each experience is followed by a focus on what didn’t go well, it can feel as though nothing is changing. You are gaining experience, but your confidence is not increasing in the way you expected.
This is often where people start to feel stuck.
Why Your Public Speaking Anxiety Might Not Be Improving
One of the key reasons public speaking anxiety may not feel like it is improving is linked to how our brains process experiences. We are naturally wired to focus more on what went wrong than what went right. This is known as negativity bias.
So even if a meeting went reasonably well, your mind is more likely to replay the one moment that felt uncomfortable, rather than the parts where you communicated clearly or contributed effectively.
Over time, this creates a pattern:
You take action → you focus on the negatives → your confidence does not increase
From your perspective, it feels like nothing is improving, even though you are doing the work.
The Role of Mindset in Making Progress Feel Easier
So, if public speaking doesn’t feel like it is getting easier, mindset is often part of the picture. Because it’s not just about what you’re doing, but how you’re interpreting what you have done.
If every experience is followed by self-criticism, your brain doesn’t register it as progress. Instead, it reinforces the idea that this is something difficult or uncomfortable.
But when you begin to notice what went well, even in small ways, you start to build a different kind of evidence – evidence that you can do this, that you are improving, and that your experience is not as negative as it might feel in the moment.
Rethinking What Success Looks Like
Part of the challenge is how we define success.
It is easy to think success means feeling calm, speaking confidently, or delivering something without any mistakes. In reality, progress often looks much less polished.
Success might be:
- Speaking up even when you feel nervous
- Noticing your nerves settle after a few minutes
- Contributing to a discussion
- Sharing an idea in a meeting where you don’t normally speak
- Showing up and doing it, even if it felt uncomfortable
When these moments are overlooked, it can feel like nothing is changing. When they are recognised, they start to build a more balanced view of your progress.
Why Comparison Can Make It Feel Harder
Another factor that can make public speaking feel like it is not getting easier is comparison. It’s easy to look at others and think they are more confident or more capable. From the outside, it can appear that speaking comes naturally to everyone else.
What you’re not seeing is their internal experience. Focusing on what others look like they are doing can take attention away from your own progress.
You Already Have Communication Strengths
It is also worth recognising that you are not starting from zero.
You communicate every day whether that’s 121 conversations, regular team meetings and even in the way you express ideas. Public speaking builds on your existing skills.
When you begin to acknowledge both your strengths and your progress, your perception of yourself can start to shift. You are not someone who “cannot do public speaking,” but someone who is developing a skill through experience.
How to Build Confidence
When my public speaking anxiety didn’t feel like it was improving what helped me shift this was something quite simple. I started keeping a note of the moments where I had spoken up or taken action, even if they felt small at the time.
For me, that was a weekly success journal. I would write down things like contributing in a meeting, sharing an idea, or getting through a presentation, even if it didn’t feel perfect. That worked for me. But the more important part is taking the time to recognise what went well.
That might be a quick reflection after a meeting, mentally acknowledging a small win, or talking it through with someone you trust. The aim is to create space to recognise your progress, rather than moving straight on to the next thing or only focusing only on what could have been better.
A Different Way to Look at It
If you have been showing up consistently and it still feels difficult, it does not mean you are doing something wrong. It may be that your expectations are working against you, or that your progress is there but not being recognised.
In my experience, confidence is not always built through action alone. It develops through how those experiences are interpreted, reinforced, and understood over time. When you begin to notice what is already working, and allow for nerves to be part of the experience, you create a more balanced and realistic view of yourself as a speaker.
That shift is often where things start to feel different.
If You Want to Take This Further
If this resonates, this is exactly the kind of work I explore in more depth in my online course Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking.
Inside the course, I guide you through practical ways to:
- understand and work with nerves
- build confidence in a way that feels realistic and sustainable
- take action without reinforcing self-doubt
- develop a more balanced and supportive mindset around speaking
If you’re looking for something more tailored, I also work with women on a one-to-one basis, focusing on your specific challenges and the situations you’re navigating.
You can explore the different ways to work with me here.
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