Speaking up in meetings didn’t come naturally to me. For years, I stayed quiet. Not because I lacked ideas or opinions, but because I doubted their value or worried about how I’d be perceived. Early in my career, I felt the pressure to have the “right” answer or be 100% certain before I shared a view. I distinctly remember many meetings where I had a thought bubbling up, but held back because I thought, “Should I say this? Will I sound foolish?” Like many women, I was cautious about being seen as too direct, aggressive, or ‘difficult,’ so I often stayed on the sidelines. That self-imposed silence felt safe at the time, but looking back, it was also a barrier to my growth.
If you recognise that pressure, it’s because it’s fairly common. In fact, I discovered that many women I’ve worked with share similar stories. So, I want to share how I shifted my mindset and built the confidence to speak up in meetings, alongside some practical tips that have helped me and the women I work with.
Why Women Find It Difficult to Speak Up in Meetings
There’s plenty of data to back up what many women experience in meetings every day. According to a recent McKinsey Report, 61% of women fear being judged when they speak up in meetings.
There are several factors that contribute to this:
- The pressure to be an expert or have the perfect answer.
- Micro-aggressions and interruptions.
- Fear of negative perceptions.
- Realities of gender inequality and how women are perceived when they speak up.
These aren’t just minor annoyances; they shape how women engage and advance in their careers.
The Hidden Costs of Staying Silent
Choosing not to speak up in meetings might feel like the safer option, but it can come with real consequences:
- Reduced visibility. When you stay quiet your contributions can easily go unnoticed.
- Limited influence. Without sharing your perspective you may miss chances to shape outcomes or decisions that are important to you.
- Missed opportunities. Senior leaders often remember those who participate and offer insights, so staying silent can often leave you off their radar.
Realising these costs was a turning point for me. It pushed me to try different approaches even when it felt uncomfortable at first.
How I Built up the Confidence to Speak Up in Meetings
Here are five practical steps I took that gradually changed my approach:
1. Reframe Your Mindset Around Expertise
When I look back, I realise how much I held myself back by waiting to feel “qualified enough” before sharing my views. I was taught that hard work and thorough preparation were the keys to success but I wasn’t encouraged to be bold or to trust my own instincts in the moment. That’s often how many women are raised, compared to boys who are more likely to be encouraged to speak up, take risks, and improvise. Over time, I learned to give myself permission to speak up without qualifying my ideas or waiting for perfection. I’m in the room because my perspective adds value, even if I’m not the expert. Owning that truth can make a real difference in how you participate and how others receive your contributions.
2. Prepare Purposefully
Preparing in advance became a game-changer. I realised that part of my anxiety came from not knowing when (or how) to jump in. So I started reviewing agendas ahead of time and jotting down one or two things I wanted to contribute. Sometimes it was a question, sometimes a comment or reflection. The point wasn’t to script every word, but to give myself a clear entry point. It helped me focus and feel more grounded going in. Even if I didn’t end up saying exactly what I’d prepared, having those notes in front of me gave me a quiet kind of confidence. It was a reminder that I had something to say (and that I was ready to say it).
3. Start Small and Build Gradually
I didn’t suddenly transform into someone who could speak confidently in every meeting. I began by picking my moments, like offering short reflections in smaller team meetings where the stakes felt lower. At first, it was just a sentence or two. But every time I spoke up and it went okay (which it usually did), I felt a little braver. Over time, those small steps added up. They gave me the confidence to speak in larger forums and with more senior colleagues. The momentum came from doing it, not from waiting until I felt completely ready.
4. Use Active Listening to Find Your Moment
There’s something powerful about being fully present in a meeting – not just planning what you’ll say, but really listening. When I made the shift to active listening, I found it easier to spot when to contribute. Sometimes it was a clarifying question that others were probably thinking too. Other times, I’d notice connections between what people were saying and could draw those links out. That kind of contribution felt natural and useful and helped me realise that speaking up didn’t always mean saying something groundbreaking. It was about adding value to the conversation in a way that felt authentic to me.
5. Seek Feedback and Support
One of the most helpful things I did was ask people I trusted for feedback. After a meeting, I’d ask a colleague I respected how I’d come across or if anything I said landed well. Their reflections often highlighted things I hadn’t noticed: a comment I’d made that shifted the discussion, or how clearly I’d articulated a point. It helped me build an internal record of evidence that I could do this. And knowing I had people in my corner made it feel less daunting. Sometimes, just a quiet word of encouragement after a meeting was enough to keep me going.
Changing the Culture And Biases That Women Face
It’s important to acknowledge that the challenge isn’t solely about individual confidence. Organisations have a role to play by creating safe, inclusive spaces where everyone’s voice is heard and valued. This means better meeting facilitation, addressing interruptions, and actively encouraging diverse contributions. When you’re chairing a meeting, be mindful of some of these behaviours and what you can do as chair to create an environment where people feel safe to share. If you want to develop your skill as a chair then here are my top tips for leading a productive meeting.
Learning to speak up in meetings doesn’t happen overnight
Finding the confidence to speak up is a journey, not a switch you can flip overnight. For me, it took time, patience, and practice. There were setbacks, moments of doubt, and times when I felt like retreating. But over time, the benefits became clear: increased visibility, greater influence, and new career opportunities. Speaking up hasn’t just changed how others see me I think it also changed how I see myself.
Further Support
If this fear has been with you for a while, you might feel like things will never change. But they can. And they do. If you’re ready to take the next step, my new online course ‘Speak with Confidence’ is now available. It’s a self-paced, supportive programme designed to help you build confidence, find your voice, and speak with purpose.
You can find all the details here.
