You never really know who’s hiding a fear of public speaking

Thrown in at the deep end

I remember joining a new team a few years ago. I was still finding my feet, learning names, working out the culture, figuring out who was who. And then I was asked to host the team’s away day. For 70 people.

Now, I’m naturally an introvert. I’ve always had a fear of public speaking. Standing at the front of a room all day isn’t where I feel most comfortable. But I said yes. I prepped, I planned, and I did what I often do—I put on my ‘host’ energy. I even opened with a joke.

What people see isn’t always the full story

About halfway through the day, we did a group exercise at the tables. Each table was asked to share back a summary of their discussion. Someone I really respected, someone who always spoke up in meetings and seemed totally at ease in the spotlight, turned to me and said: “Jo, you do it—you’re such a natural. You’re so much better at this than me.”

Honestly? I could have fallen over.
There I was, assuming they felt completely confident and at ease.
And there they were, assuming the same about me.

You’re not the only one who struggles with a fear of public speaking

That moment stuck with me. It reminded me how easy it is to look around and think other people are cruising while we’re paddling like mad underneath the surface. But most of us are paddling. Especially when it comes to speaking up, presenting, or doing something that puts us ‘out there’.

I’ve lost count of the number of women I’ve spoken to over the years who say things like “I’m not a confident speaker” or “I hate being at the front.” And yet, on the outside? They’re composed, clear, and engaging. We’re very good at masking.

In fact, research backs this up—studies have shown that women are more likely to mask their emotions in professional settings, especially when it comes to showing vulnerability or anxiety. One study found that women were significantly more likely than men to hide negative emotions in the workplace to meet social expectations.

Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outside

So yes, it might look like someone else is nailing it—but you don’t know what’s going on for them. And they don’t know what’s going on for you.

To be clear: I’m not saying you should stand up and announce you’re terrified. There’s nothing worse than when people open a talk with “I don’t want to be here” or “I’m terrible at this.” That doesn’t help you or the audience. Don’t undermine yourself before you’ve even started.

But do stop assuming you’re the only one who finds it hard.
And if you admire someone’s speaking style, ask them about it. Ask if they experience nerves. Ask how they prepare. You might be surprised by what they say.

The truth is, we’re all working on something—including a fear of public speaking.
So give yourself some grace—and don’t be fooled by the surface.

Reflect on this: Are you comparing your inner doubts to others’ outward confidence?

Think about your next opportunity to speak up — whether it’s in a meeting, a presentation, or any situation where you’re stepping into the spotlight. What would it feel like if you gave yourself permission to assume that others might be feeling just as unsure as you? How could that change the way you approach it?

Shifting your mindset to acknowledge that you’re not alone can help ease the pressure when the nerves show up. If you’re looking for more tips on shifting your mindset before a presentation, check out my blog on embracing nerves as a part of the process.

Ready to Change How You Feel About Public Speaking?

My self-paced online course, Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking, is designed to help you understand the real reasons behind public speaking nerves — and build genuine confidence from within.
We focus on mindset, purpose, and simple techniques that you can use in real-life situations — not just on a stage.

Right now, you can enrol for just £29.99 as part of the special launch offer (usually £99).
When you join, you’ll also get access to a monthly live Q&A session — a chance to ask questions, hear from others, and get extra support as you work through the course. If you’re ready to stop letting nerves hold you back, this is your next step.