When it comes to improving your public speaking skills, feedback can be a game-changer. But let’s be honest—navigating feedback isn’t always easy. Some feedback can feel discouraging, even when it’s meant to help. And sometimes, it’s hard to know which advice to take and which to leave behind.
In my blog, “Do Women Receive Fair Feedback?“, I explored the challenges women face when receiving feedback, particularly how it can often be biased or unhelpful. This can make the process even more complicated. But over time, I’ve learned the key to using feedback effectively is to be deliberate about where it comes from and how you apply it.
In this blog, I’ll share my approach to seeking and using feedback that actually helps you become a more confident public speaker.
The Importance of Quality Feedback
When it comes to refining your public speaking skills, quality feedback can make a significant difference. Constructive feedback helps you identify strengths, highlights areas for improvement, and builds confidence. It can be a valuable tool that supports your growth and helps manage public speaking nerves.
The challenge with feedback is that it varies greatly. Sometimes, it can feel more like criticism, and other times, it might simply be biased or inaccurate. When feedback is irrelevant or unfair, it can shake our confidence rather than build it.
Why seek feedback at all? I know I can be overly harsh on myself, often without solid evidence to back it up. So, if you’re anything like me, it can be helpful to get an external perspective. Our brains have a natural tendency toward negativity bias, making it too easy to focus purely on the negatives and overlook strengths. The right feedback can offer a different view, helping you act on information that genuinely improves your public speaking (or any other) skills. But how do you effectively seek and receive the quality feedback that will enhance your public speaking? Let’s delve into some strategies that have worked for me.
Be Clear on Your Public Speaking Goals: What Are You Working Towards?
Before seeking feedback, it’s helpful to clarify what you want to achieve to improve your public speaking skills. Knowing your goals allows you to focus on areas that matter most to you. Then you can ensure the feedback you seek out, and act upon, is relevant and actionable. Are you working on speaking more slowly and clearly? Perhaps you’re focusing on managing public speaking nerves or engaging more effectively with your audience. Whatever your objective, having a clear sense of direction will guide the feedback process.
For example, if your goal is to slow down your speech, you might seek feedback on your pacing and clarity. If you’re aiming to better manage your nerves, feedback on how calm and composed you appeared would be more beneficial. Being specific about what you want to improve helps you target the feedback you seek. Instead of asking general questions like “How was that?” or “Do you have any feedback for me?” try asking more focused questions related to your goals. This way, the feedback you receive will be directly aligned with what you’re working to improve.
Choose Your Source Wisely: Whose Feedback Should You Act On?
Once your goals are clear, the next step is to be discerning about where your feedback comes from. From my experience, feedback is highly subjective and influenced by the giver’s own background, beliefs, and experiences, which can shape their perceptions and advice. So, I’ve learned to seek feedback only from people I respect and trust, particularly those who are experts in the skill I’m working to improve. This is especially relevant when it comes to managing public speaking nerves.
A mentor or colleague who understands the nuances of public speaking and has experience in dealing with anxiety can provide insights that are more relevant and actionable. For example, feedback from a seasoned speaker about managing your pacing and controlling your nerves during key moments will likely be more useful than comments from someone unfamiliar with these challenges.
Interestingly, in Playing Big, Tara Mohr points out that feedback often says more about the giver than the receiver. For instance, if a woman delivers a clear and impactful presentation and then gets feedback suggesting she should be “more approachable,” it might reflect the giver’s discomfort with confident women rather than any real issue with her presentation skills. This is a perspective I’ve found really insightful. For more on this, check out Tara Mohr’s ‘loving reminders about feedback’
Navigating Unsolicited Feedback: How to Evaluate Its Value
I’m always extra careful about how I respond to unsolicited feedback. Why? Because someone who doesn’t fully grasp my objectives or lacks expertise in my area of focus might not offer feedback that is truly helpful—in some cases, it could even be misleading. When I receive unsolicited critique, I make an effort to understand the context and motivation behind it. This helps me filter out any advice that might not align with my goals. I ask myself: What’s the intention behind the feedback? Is this person an expert in the subject? Do I respect and value their opinion? Are they aware of what I am trying to achieve?
After reflecting on these questions, I remind myself that I’m not obligated to absorb feedback just because someone offered it. I choose what genuinely serves my goals and growth.
Vague or Generic Feedback: What to Do When Advice Isn’t Clear
How often have you received feedback and not really understood what it means? It could be either positive or negative, such as “you did really well” or “there’s room for improvement.” I’ve had my share of vague feedback over the years, and I’ve learned that when feedback isn’t clear, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for specifics. For example, if someone tells you to “be more confident,” which is vague and an intangible concept, ask them what that would look like in practice. This should help you get more actionable guidance.
Remember, you don’t need to accept feedback blindly or change your behaviour just because someone offered it. It’s one person’s opinion, not a fact.
I’ve heard from many women who’ve been advised to “be more confident,” and it frustrates me so much that I’m planning to write an entire blog on the topic! Reflecting on my own experiences, I find this type of feedback particularly unhelpful. It often seems to reflect the giver’s expectations of what “confidence” should look like—typically extroverted traits. This feedback has often felt more about fitting into someone else’s idea of confidence rather than recognising and building on my own strengths and authentic style. So, if you receive this kind of feedback, my advice is simple: proceed with caution!
Decoupling Feedback from Self-Worth: Don’t Take It Personally
Often, feedback is focused on what we need to improve. Even when we receive positive feedback, we tend to quickly brush over the positives and fixate on the negatives. So when we do receive suggestions on areas to improve, how do we avoid letting it throw us—after all, we are human? Receiving criticism, especially in public speaking, can feel deeply personal. In my experience, women often internalise negative feedback, leading to self-doubt and reinforcing public speaking anxiety.
That’s why I’ve learned it’s important to separate feedback from my self-worth. Feedback is just one person’s perspective—it doesn’t define my abilities or value. When I receive feedback—whether it’s about my presentation style, communication skills, or ability to engage an audience—I try to see it as information that I can choose to use or discard. Feedback is not a verdict on my overall worth but rather a reflection of how one person perceives my actions in a specific context.
To help prevent critique from impacting your self-worth, try this: For every piece of critical feedback, take time to focus on your strengths and successes. This helps maintain a balanced view of your abilities. In my opinion, regularly reflecting on what you’ve done well is the best way to boost your self-esteem. If you’re interested, you can explore more in my blog, ‘Overcoming the fear of public speaking and improving self-esteem’.
Characteristics of Useful Feedback
If the feedback meets the criteria we’ve already discussed—coming from someone you trust and respect, aligning with your goals—then the next step is to ask whether it’s useful. Let’s explore some of the characteristics of useful feedback.
1. Feedback Should be Specific
Effective feedback is clear, detailed, and focused on particular aspects of your performance. Instead of vague comments like “You did well” or “You need to improve,” specific feedback might highlight exactly what you did well or what needs work. For instance, “Your introduction was engaging, but you could slow down during transitions to allow the audience to absorb your points.” Specificity allows you to understand exactly what needs to be adjusted, making it much easier to take actionable steps toward improvement.
2. Feedback Should be Constructive
Useful feedback goes beyond pointing out flaws—it should focus on what you did well and provide suggestions for growth. Constructive feedback offers practical advice and encouragement rather than just criticism. For example, instead of saying, “You were too nervous,” a constructive piece of feedback would be, “I noticed you spoke quickly at the beginning, but as you continued, you seemed to settle in. You dealt with interruptions in a calm manner and the ending was clear – you summarised key takeaways and left people with a clear call to action. Do you practice any techniques to manage the initial nerves?” This approach not only highlights areas for improvement but also recognises your strengths.
3. Feedback Should be Solution-Focused
Feedback shouldn’t dictate exactly what you must do to ‘fix’ a problem. It’s for you to identify the best approach by seeking out advice, experimenting, researching, and then finding what works for you. Suggestions are valuable, but the person giving feedback shouldn’t prescribe a one-size-fits-all solution. Everyone is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. Be cautious if someone offers prescriptive fixes or tells you what you “should” be doing.
Make Feedback Work For You
When it comes to refining your public speaking skills, quality feedback can truly make a difference. Constructive feedback helps you pinpoint your strengths, identify areas for improvement, and can even boost your confidence. From my experience, it’s helpful to evaluate feedback carefully—don’t just accept it blindly. Then by thoughtfully using feedback, you can use it to grow and refine your public speaking skills.
If you want to explore this topic further, why not watch this Ted Talk “Process feedback with a strainer, not a sponge” by Dr. Shanita Williams.
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